Eudora Tan
I came to know Jesus through the Girl’s Brigade CCA in secondary school. Being from a non-Christian family then, I did not attend church nor pay attention to the bible lessons as I was more interested in the other activities like singing and playing captain’s ball with friends.
As a young adult, life was about partying. Both my marriages ended in divorce. My second marriage was a rollercoaster. There were financial consequences that took 10 years to resolve.
With 3 kids in my care and no place to call our own, I grit my teeth and carried on. I depended on my own strength. I felt guilty and sad that I brought this on my children. However, I thought this was the worst I’ll have to go through. I didn’t think it could get any worse. But I was wrong.
In 2015, my life totally turned upside down after a falling-out with my business partner. She twisted the story with my trade partners, clients and suppliers which ruined my reputation. I was held responsible as the director of the company for things I had not done. Debt collectors came after me when they heard the company was in trouble.
It was all too much – my failed marriages, caring for the children, financial hardship and now legal problems related to work too! The stress and anxiety just built up. It was evident in the number of cigarettes I smoked each day. Many nights I just sat in the futsal court near my block smoking and at a total loss of what to do! On one occasion, it was just so overwhelming that I couldn’t breath. Thankfully, God gave me a loving sister who brought me to the hospital immediately.
It was all too much – my failed marriages, caring for the children, financial hardship and now legal problems related to work too! The stress and anxiety just built up. It was evident in the number of cigarettes I smoked each day. Many nights I just sat in the futsal court near my block smoking and at a total loss of what to do! On one occasion, it was just so overwhelming that I couldn’t breath. Thankfully, God gave me a loving sister who brought me to the hospital immediately.
God had already been trying to get my attention. A significant wake-up call was while I was driving home on the highway late one night. I fell asleep at the wheel and was about to crash into the divider. I’m sure God woke me up just in time to swerve to avoid the crash! Looking back, I can see God had actually answered many prayers and has saved me more than once.
At a loss, I somehow walked into Woodlands EFC and attended one of the services, after which I spoke to one of the ministry staff, Eunice. Things I had heard during my Girls’ Brigade days came back to me. And over time I also heard and learnt about God’s love and what Jesus did to save me. But it was not all just head knowledge – I could see how God was working in my life.
Life before knowing Jesus was a struggle. I depended on minion me to settle all my troubles. I tried so hard to explain myself to people whom I didn’t even care for. It was so hard to let go of things even if I tried – for example, my hurts and unforgiveness and my smoking habit. But God gave me peace and wisdom to handle the difficult life situations through His word and the encouragement of believers he put in my life. He gave me a way out of my debt when a supplier offered to buy over my shares. The money paid off my debts and the arrangement gave me a way out of the difficult situation with my business partner! I acknowledge God’s hand in everything. Nothing happened by chance.
During the toughest season, God gifted my children and I a place to stay that I didn’t even have to pay for! Then after my debt was cleared, the rent-free living arrangement came to an end several months later but my mortgage application with HDB for our own flat was approved despite many rejections from HDB in the past. About 8 years ago, I woke up one morning and the desire to smoke completely left me. Not even once have I been tempted to pick up a cigarette since then. I want to testify that this is God’s mighty hand at work in my life.
God saw me then in all my messiness and He knows me now. But I know God loves me and He accepts me. Looking at all the things I have done, I know there is no way I am able to have a relationship with the Holy God based on my own merit. I have understood that salvation and my life with God is His gift to me because Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for the forgiveness of my sin. Nothing I did in my crazy past, and nothing I can do in the uncertain future can earn me a relationship with God. I want to be baptized as a way of saying that I accept His gift of eternal life. I want to testify of His work in my life and to publicly declare that I want to follow Him.
God knows what’s coming and He has led me to light after years of struggles. My life now is filled with so much more joy and laughter after understanding His words and following his ways. I know God’s plan for the future will include both joy and suffering but I trust and follow Him as my Saviour and Lord.